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Seven game-changing things I learned that helped me find more harmony with other people

Alex Mathers
3 min readSep 11, 2024

Over the years, other people have brought me pain and joy in about equal measure.

Though I’m grateful for what I’ve learned through my struggles, there’s a lot of pain I’d prefer to have avoided.

These things are what I’d tell my younger self about creating more harmony with others.

Compatibility is a myth.

You don’t have better relationships when you’re more compatible.

Thinking you need to be compatible creates tension because your relationship is now based on conditions. Welcome difference. Be open to new ideas.

Allow others to be a source of growth for you.

People are 10X more self-conscious than you think.

Your attention is on you and trying to look cool.

But that’s precisely what Nervous Nathan over there is thinking too.

You don’t need to worry about what others think because they don’t care about you as much as you believe. Relax.

Nurture relationships with people on agreements, not expectations.

When we expect things, we inevitably get annoyed when those expectations are unmet.

This is why divorce happens following a steady build of needless resentments.

When we make a handshake agreement with someone, we both work to meet the agreement, and harmony will ensue.

Judging others makes them seem worse.

When we judge people negatively, often on limited information, we literally create a monster.

What do we do with monsters? We fear them. We hate them. We want to be free of them.

Judge less, and observe people more. See people for who they are in the light of truth.

This will bring you peace.

You can be weirder than you think.

I’ve spent most of my life fearing what others thought of me.

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Alex Mathers
Alex Mathers

Written by Alex Mathers

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