I’ve had a lot of trouble over the years feeling at ease when speaking in groups.
At school, I was painfully afraid to contribute in class.
As I grew older, that fear developed into anxiety, creating all kinds of unnecessary and restrictive suffering that held me back from sharing my real and alive self.
For years, I couldn’t forgive myself because I believed that I was cowardly for not contributing in groups at school.
If you asked me back then why this was happening, I would have told you the story that I had made up for myself — that I was shy, different from other people, not a natural or expressive speaker, an introvert, an anxious person in groups.
I would have told you that I had “social anxiety.”
All lies. All subjective interpretations. All judgements. All thoughts. All attempts at creating meaning where there was none.
I took my thoughts seriously. I believed what they were telling me about myself, defining who I was — nothing more, nothing less.
Those thoughts created a feeling of nervousness in me. But it went a step further.
Feeling slightly nervous is one thing, but I would often experience full-blown anxiety in anticipation of and during an event. In my seemingly noble desire to be without…
