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Eight subtle behaviour changes that boost your social self-esteem

Alex Mathers

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Years of social anxiety forced me to learn everything about confidence around other people.

I found an amazingly fine line between getting caught up in anxiety and enjoying social interactions.

Here’s what I learned that helped me the most:

1. Stop trying to be confident.

When sensing their lack of confidence, most people try to compensate by trying to be more confident.

This is a mistake and one I fell for many times. If we’re trying to be anything, we are placing pressure on ourselves. This amps up our self-consciousness and puts more on our minds to confuse and stall us.

Trying to be more confident sends a message to ourselves: ‘I’m not content with who I am — I have a problem.’

Let go of trying to be anything, and you will find relief.

2. Listen with presence.

At the heart of social anxiety lies a constant need to pay attention to ourselves.

We judge ourselves when we’re anxious like this, and it makes us uptight. Instead, we need to put the attention elsewhere — like on other people. This takes the pressure off you and is relaxing.

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