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7 subtle behaviours that are highly attractive to most people

Alex Mathers
4 min readDec 30, 2022


Years of awkwardly bumbling through social situations and saying dumb stuff prompted me to take a keen interest in human behaviour.

Here are some things I’ve picked up that apply to the world of attraction:

1. Demonstrating listening.

When you watch them in conversations, if you happen to be eavesdropping, most people are not listening.

They are just kind of listening. But, most of all, they are thinking about the next thing to say.

Either because they like the sound of their voice or because they are trying to be impressive.

Neither is particularly attractive unless the receiver is lusting like a dirty dog.

People who occasionally repeat what is said, or really put in the effort to listen deeply, and demonstrate it, set themselves apart.

There is a stronger sense of connection.

Often, this interaction is unforgettable for the speaker, who feels more heard than anyone they’ve ever met.

2. Unattached to outcomes.

This is another way of saying: don’t be needy.

Being attached to things working out in a certain way, with a specific result, just the way you want it is precisely what neediness is.

Neediness is rarely not creepy because it indicates you have few options in your life. People are attracted to people with choices.

If you react with disappointment to a rejected request or are visibly reliant on someone’s agreement, you signal an uptightness and neediness that is unattractive.

Let go of the need for anything to be a certain way.

Create options for yourself and show that you need nothing, even if you want it.

3. Light teasing.

Most people try to be nice and avoid rocking the boat or causing offence.

Most people are hell-bent on being liked to try anything as far out as teasing.

But light, appropriate teasing after you’ve gotten to know someone a little demonstrates comfort in your own skin.



Alex Mathers

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